A Tough Climb on a Tandem
Jack and Jill have just climbed Le Alp de Huez, one of the steepest peaks in the Alps on their tandem.
"Phew, that was a tough climb" said Jack, leaning over, breathing hard. "That climb was so hard and we were going so slow, I thought we were never going to make it."
"Yeah, good thing I kept the brakes on," said Jill, "or we'd have slid all the way back down!"
A Nerd, a Nude and a Bike
A nerd was walking on campus one day when his friend, another nerd, rode up on an incredible shiny new bicycle. The first nerd was stunned and asked, "Where did you get such a nice bike?"
The second nerd replied, "Well, yesterday I was walking home minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up to me on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, 'Take what you want!” The second nerd nodded approvingly, "Good choice. The clothes probably wouldn't have fit."
The 10 Commandments
"Where's your bicycle Vicar" I asked (because it was the first time I had seen him walking in 10 years!). "Don't know, I think it might have been stolen, but I will get it back on Sunday" he replied. "At my next sermon I will go through the Ten Commandments. When I get to 'thou shalt not steal' God will sort it out, I've got faith"
The following week, sure enough he was riding the bike again. So I asked him if the Ten Commandments thing had worked as planned:"I got as far as thou shall not commit adultery.......then I suddenly remembered where I left the bike!"
Border Crossing
A cyclist was stopped by a customs official at a border post. "What's in the bags?", asked the officer, pointing to his bicycle panniers. "Sand," said the cyclist.
"Let me take a look", said the officer. The Cyclist did as he was told, emptied the bags, and proving they contained nothing but sand, refilled the bags and continued across the border.
A week later, the same thing happened and continued every week for a year, until one day the cyclist with the sand bags failed to appear.
A few months later the customs officer saw the cyclist living it up downtown. "You sure had us foxed", he said. "We knew you were smuggling something across the border. I won't say a word - but what was it you were smuggling"?
The cyclist smiled and answered, "Bicycles!"
Coming through…
A tired cyclist stuck his thumb out for a lift: After 3 hours, hadn't got anyone to stop. Finally, a guy in a sports car pulled over and offered him a ride. But the bike wouldn't fit in the car. The driver got some rope out of the trunk and tied it to his bumper. He tied the other end to the bike and told the rider: "If I go too fast, ring your bell and I'll slow down."
Everything went well until another sports car blew past them. The driver forgot all about the cyclist and put his foot down. A short distance down the road, they hammered through a speed trap. The cop with the radar gun and radioed ahead that he had 2 sports cars heading his way at over 150 km/h.
He then relayed, "and you're not going to believe this, but there's a cyclist behind them ringing his bell to pass!"
An anthropologist realizes that the one thing he never taught the natives was how to speak English, so he takes the chief for a walk in the forest. He points to a tree and says to the chief, "This is a tree." The chief looks at the tree and grunts, "Tree." The anthropologist is pleased with the response.
They walk a little farther and the anthropologist points to a rock and says, "This is a rock." Hearing this, the chief looks and grunts, "Rock." The anthropologist is really getting enthusiastic about the results when he hears a rustling in the bushes. As he peeks over the top, he sees a couple of natives in the midst of heavy sexual activity. The anthropologist is really flustered and quickly says "They are riding a bike."
The chief looks at the couple briefly, pulls out his blowgun and kills them. The anthropologist goes ballistic and yells at the chief that he has spent months teaching the tribe how to be civilized and kind to each other, so how could he kill these people in cold blood that way?
The chief replied, "My bike!"
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